Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Overcoming Fear




 No one can really prepare you for motherhood. It is impossible for anyone to describe what it feels like to have your heart outside of your body. That's what makes it impossible not to worry about your child and fearful of things that could or would happen in their life. When I was pregnant I remember driving to work one day and seeing teenage boys speed down the street and I thought to myself am I ready to deal with this... or even thinking about how his first day of school would go...or just hoping he would have a good life.  It never occurred to me that my fears would be so different. That I would be in fear that he would get really sick, have breathing issues, allergic reactions to basic foods, and so on. I've spent the better half of August trying to stop Jude from getting really sick. Breathing treatments, liquid steroid, humidifiers, Vicks, and you name it... I've tried everything but he still coughs. He is better but those nights he wakes up coughing uncontrollably and cries... I feel helpless. During this "cold", he finally got to try solids. I spent hours buying and making organic food that was the most non allergenic and easily digestible. Even with all my precautions, he still broke out in a rash all over his body. It's times like those that fear starts to overtake me. I start to question what I could do different so he won't be sick or if I should feed him any new food and risk a more severe reaction. But I have to take a deep breath and remember the gift God has given me... Jude.  The happiest, most content, easy going baby boy in the world who always pushes fear aside to overcome every challenge.