What I Didn't Know...

What I didn’t know is that I would have to bathe you every night as you smack and push away. 

What I didn’t know is that I would have to feed you through a hole in your stomach that I prayed your surgery team would never have to place. 

What I didn’t know is that I would juggle a million calls, doctors, pharmacies, paperwork and school meetings just to give you what you need.

 

What I didn’t know is that we would spend our time heading to therapy instead of the ball field with your friends.  

What I didn’t know is that it was on me to medicate you, so the fear of an unknown world won’t wash away your smile. 

What I didn’t know is that everything in this typical world would be so dangerous for you. 

What I didn’t know is that I would spend more time than I imagined watching you endure through physical pain while I pushed back my tears.  

What I didn’t know was that you would never say my name.  

In all the things I didn’t know I was able to learn everything I needed to know… 

What I learned is that in the worst of times it would be you that held me.  

What I learned is that our dances, laughs and cuddles created joy in the most simplistic ways.  

What I learned is that through your genuine, pure and raw love is where I feel safe and at peace. 

What I learned is that your strength and perseverance would bring out a fight in me I never knew existed.   

What I learned is without you I would have never become me 💗