Mother's Day

         

 

          Today is Mother's Day. Everywhere you look we are celebrating. There are a million different mommy groups dominating social media, blogs reflecting on the strengths and triumphs of motherhood, and commercials about a mother's sacrifice. I suppose I should be spending Jude's nap time sleeping or doing some sort of pampering activity, but instead the time was spent reflecting on motherhood. The good, the bad, and everything in between.

          Everyday, I thank God for Jude.  Being Jude's mom is definitely a unique journey, but without it I wouldn't be the person I am today. The past two and half years, have been life changing. Here are just five of the million different ways that Jude has changed my life:

1. Feeding. Eating. Drinking. Let me tell you, it is not as easy as you think it is. Do you know it uses more muscle groups than any other physical activity? It's hard! How about 5% or so of the population do not feel hunger pains like the rest of the human race? You better believe Jude is in the 5%. Did you know that eating is not a natural instinct after 3 months? Trying to feed Jude dinner is like running a marathon...completely exhausting. Glasses of wine, listening to motivating music , Elmo's birthday episode on repeat during the longest half hour of my life... all for 2.5 ounces of pureed baby food. Patience is a virtue that is practiced on repeat during dinner.  This experience has taught me that something that seems simple can really test your patience and laughter is the best medicine.

2. Speaking is not necessary. Anyone who knows me, knows I love to socialize. It has always been my way of expressing myself in all of my relationships.  It seemed to be the natural way of communicating.  December 2014 proved me wrong because Jude stopped talking. This meant I would not hear him say "mama" anymore. I might never hear him say "I love you." It was hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of Jude never vocalizing his love and life to me. I was reminded of the saying "actions speak louder than words." It resonated in my mind.  Every time I am happy, he screams with joy. Every time I cry, he hugs me and pats my back. Every time he is fearful, he widens his eyes and begs me for strength. He does not have to talk to tell me about his feelings.  Jude has demonstrated unconditional love in a way I never knew.

3. Sacrificing. As most mothers know, you give up most self-indulging activities, but who wouldn't, babies are adorable! Something happens when you are pregnant and have a child. Instantaneously, you fall in love. You spend day and night worrying, planning, and analyzing every aspect of this little human's life. I experienced all of this and then some. At four months, Jude started adding in additional material for me to fret over. From that day forward, Jude would have ten surgeries, five weekly therapies, a gtube, and a long list of allergies.  Every other Wednesday is spent calling four pharmacies just to refill supplies and medications in the home. I definitely have said goodbye to my monthly massage and pedicure treatment that I exercised pre-baby. I am forever grateful to Jude for giving me the opportunity to not be selfish. I have learned to fight for what I believe in and consciously think of someone else. Pedicures are lovely.  Watching your baby with hypotonia walk for the first time, that is truly magical.  That is what makes life worth living, not pedicures.

4. Everything is fantastic. It is human nature to complain...unless you are Jude. He loves life. He loves the simple things. Even though he has been through great struggles, he has a great perspective. If something hurts, he may cry a little or rub the injured area and then he moves on.  Within seconds, he is standing up amazed by his hands and laughing. He doesn't dwell on what has happened. Though this is on a much smaller scale, it has inspired me. If a two year old can endure what he has faced and is still smiling, so can I.

5.  Miracles happen everyday. Jude is a miracle. Jude has survived events that would not of been successful for others. He has accomplished milestones that doctors and research predicted otherwise. He is my miracle. Experiencing and being apart of a miracle is extraordinary and life changing.  I am blessed and humbled by this experience.

          Today, I would like to say thank you to Jude. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be your mom.  Thank you for motivating me everyday to become a better person. Thank you for being my teacher. Thank you for this beautiful life. It maybe Mother's Day, but I celebrate you.