In a few short days, it will be October 2014. It will mark one year since Jude was hospitalized for GERD and failure to thrive. That hospital stay and the one that followed were some of the scariest days of my life. We were sent home with an NG tube and returned a week later for surgery to place a gtube, Nissen fundoplication, and the first set of PE tubes. I didn't know how I was going to manage all my emotions, Jude's needs and feelings, the new equipment and medical supplies, and what the future may hold. A year later, I can now see how well everything turned out. I can see how each of those surgeries made Jude stronger and he continues to thrive in every way. Not only has Jude become stronger, but so have I. I am not the same Mother sitting in the ICU scared and sick. In fact, I wish I could go back and reassure myself that everything will be ok. That I will learn these five valuable lessons to overcome my hurt and pain:
1. Let yourself cry, be mad, and wonder why.
When I sat in the hospital room, carried Jude to testing, held his screaming body down as they placed another tube or started another iv...I wanted to cry. Yet, I felt guilty for showing weakness. It was Jude being restrained and hurt, not me. Then I realized if I didn't cry, be mad that this was my reality of motherhood, and wonder why it was happening to Jude... I would of never worked through my emotions and gotten to a place where I feel at peace (well, most of the time) and find such happiness in our life.
2. Trust your instincts and have confidence in your decisions.
This is something people tend to forget, especially new mothers. In high stress situations, people become overwhelmed and lose faith. It is human nature to doubt yourself. So many times I doubted myself but there was always something telling me in the back of my mind to follow my instincts about Jude. I carried Jude for 9 months and cared for him day in and day out. I knew when he was sad, happy, or in pain. I had no reason to doubt my ability to make a call on what was best for his well-being. As time went on I became more confident, I asked questions, and I had no problem telling doctors, nurses, or other care takers if I was not comfortable with his care. This new advocacy made me less stressed about how we were moving forward or Jude's well-being.
3. Know that right now isn't forever.
This is something people tend to forget, especially new mothers. In high stress situations, people become overwhelmed and lose faith. It is human nature to doubt yourself. So many times I doubted myself but there was always something telling me in the back of my mind to follow my instincts about Jude. I carried Jude for 9 months and cared for him day in and day out. I knew when he was sad, happy, or in pain. I had no reason to doubt my ability to make a call on what was best for his well-being. As time went on I became more confident, I asked questions, and I had no problem telling doctors, nurses, or other care takers if I was not comfortable with his care. This new advocacy made me less stressed about how we were moving forward or Jude's well-being.
3. Know that right now isn't forever.
This is the most important piece of advice. At the time, it seems all consuming, horrible, and impossible. Don't get me wrong, it is! But, time goes on. Life constantly changes. All of sudden it is a year later and the gtube is part of the routine and Jude is strong and walking. That does not mean you will never have a hard day again. It just means that the situation right now can ALWAYS get better.
4. Surround yourself with honest sincere people who will understand what you need.
When I was at the hospital I am not quite sure when it was that I slept or ate. As any mother would, I gave every ounce of energy to Jude and forgot that at some point I might collapse without my basic needs being met. Cue in the amazing support system I had and still do have! It was the first time I can say I couldn't be a daughter, sister, friend, cousin, niece, and granddaughter. Everyone else gave me 100%. They brought me food so I would eat, they reminded me to sleep, they talked/texted/called me while I cried or talked about anything else than the present situation. They knew what I needed and just did it. To them, I am forever grateful. Without their love and support, I would of probably passed out from hunger or lack of sleep and needed an IV myself. Difficult situations like this are impossible without these people!
5. Find the reason why you were chosen. (God always has a plan).
This one is hard, but it really can change your outlook on life. I remember feeling how unfair this situation was for Jude. What did he do? After lots of soul searching, praying, and the talks from my support system I finally found my answer. Jude was chosen because he shows so many people that struggles don't define you. Yes, life is difficult and it never comes without trials. This is indeed a big trial, but he made the best of it and has touched so many people's lives. If I would of never realized this, I would still feel angry and lost.
Hard times can hold us back from our optimistic future. This past year, these "lessons" have helped me through many difficult times. Just remember, when you are in a difficult situation you can make it through by keeping these five lessons in mind...just like Jude and I.
This one is hard, but it really can change your outlook on life. I remember feeling how unfair this situation was for Jude. What did he do? After lots of soul searching, praying, and the talks from my support system I finally found my answer. Jude was chosen because he shows so many people that struggles don't define you. Yes, life is difficult and it never comes without trials. This is indeed a big trial, but he made the best of it and has touched so many people's lives. If I would of never realized this, I would still feel angry and lost.
Hard times can hold us back from our optimistic future. This past year, these "lessons" have helped me through many difficult times. Just remember, when you are in a difficult situation you can make it through by keeping these five lessons in mind...just like Jude and I.
